


Carnal Disorder

by hassleinparadise



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Lemon, Lime, Rough Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 00:42:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3361436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hassleinparadise/pseuds/hassleinparadise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title speaks for itself. </p><p>But otherwise, if more details are required, as a female Squad Leader climbing the ranks within the Survey Corps, you occasionally suffer the pangs of loneliness and desire, having to live amongst attractive men of authority. One night, after an encounter with an erotic novel, you snapped and lost it, along with other things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Carnal Disorder**

**A/N: This story contains highly detailed smut. Do not read if you're not prepared for that.**  
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You are burning up. 

You make your way through the halls of the military base, shifting from one end to another as you look around for some comfort after a hard day's work. You have just bathed and now make your way to your room in your uniform, which straps you wear loosely this time-- you might change later when you get to bed. For tonight, the last of your paperwork has already been completed and submitted, which included the depressing input of the deaths of many under your care from the last expedition. Not to mention, Captain Levi-- a fellow colleague who is as old and senior as you are-- has forced you to join his cadets into cleaning up the whole place-- most specifically your once messed up, disheveled and unorganised office. 

In other words, you are a hot mess. 

_What is wrong with me? Is it that time of the month?_

Still dressed in your proper military attire, you are ready to get straight into bed after all those dusting off and cleaning without the need to change into your nightgown as you planned earlier-- eyes already droopy and groggy once you enter your quarters. But still, that growing feeling in the back of your stomach begins to occupy the back your head instead-- just staying there and consuming everything else. It seems to hinder you from shutting your eyes close. You begin biting your lips for what felt like hours as you lie in bed, then scouring through your confinements-- and ending up with an overturned bed-- and even through the mess hall's kitchen. You decide to try the library. 

True enough, it  _is_  empty; most cadets (and some senior members) of the Survey Corps are probably sleeping by now. As you check through all the dustless shelves (thanks to that certain Captain), you randomly select one without a title and it happens to be an erotic novel. 

'How the hell did this get here?' you whisper quietly, in both anticipation and surprise. 

Your heart leap in your throat as you nervously gulp, slowly changing pages as you read-- you don't even know why you bothered. Of course, you would have to check who it belonged to-- because no young cadets should be reading this and if it does belong to a senior private maybe, then you will have to execute a suitable punishment. 

But as you read the following, you felt a certain something growing in the pit of your now boiling stomach: 

_'He takes her full breasts with his large hands, giving them a tight squeeze._

_"A-ahh," she moans. Her half-lidded eyes are ridden with lust and passion. She reaches out to his head, playing with the strands of his hair, as he comes closer to her skin-- his warm breaths igniting her virgin body like a wildfire. He knows what to do with her, with that innocent body of hers, and without any warning, he pulls her close to his face. His mouth, once panting and hanging open, welcomes her new skin before him._

_His warm tongue kisses her nipple, swirling around her buds and drenched the skin with hot saliva, before his whole mouth takes it whole. His teeth scraping against her supple breasts, eliciting more moans and purrs out her._

_"M-More. I-I like i-it--Ah!"_

_He says nothing but keeps on licking-- turning it into a sudden suckling._

_"A-AH!" she screams this time._

_He lets out a smirk, but instead of continuing his ministrations, he pushes her gently down the bed and trails his warm muscle from her chest and down to her navel, stopping ever so teasingly before her wet cavern between her legs. He plays with his fingers, tracing gentle circles around her thighs and the back of her buttocks. Before she knows what he's asking, she begins to spread her legs wider and wider-- it only spurs him into action._

_His lips now drags itself and its melting saliva down to the peak of her nether region, licking--'_

You throw the book across the library. 

_Shit. Shit! SHIT!_

You begin breathing heavily, pictures of two naked bodies making out stained your vision as you look around. You press your pounding temple-- it is as if your heart was now in your head. Of course, you find that erotic novel a serious violation of military code and standards. So you pick it back up and carry it with you-- should you bump into someone, you'll just slam it across their heads. 

As you walk around, you stumble into the opened door of your commanding officer, Erwin Smith-- the man has more charisma in his gaze than a sauntering panther or leopard (or titan, for that matter, but we all know that being does not have  _any_ charisma). There is a light coming from its crack and you could tell he must still be awake, even at this ungodly hour. You immediately bring your feet to stand before its looming, tall doors and contemplate. 

His own figure suddenly appears in your eyes, your imagination and mind. He was a tall man, not more than a foot taller than you maybe, but despite how you and Levi feel sensitive about height, you like how you had to look up every time your Commander comes into view. He had golden, blonde hair-- short tresses that he swept to the right with a left parted fringe-- and most would argue whether his thick set of eyebrows were hilarity in disguise or beauty without guise. But you would punish anyone who makes any jokes about them, for you yourself would stare lovingly at his face all day. He had a rimmed jaw, his cheeks stocky and hard-- the face of a man who has seen thousands of things and none that you have. 

But his eyes-- his baby blue eyes are dreamy to you, drifting you into a reverie of a fantasy unknown to mankind all over. Yet, you often dismiss that feeling as a mere admiration towards the man who has brought you out of these confining Walls, freed you off your fear for titans and so much more. So he is unapproachable, even for you-- because there is no time for love for soldiers. There is only duty. 

 _Oh, I better tell him about_ that. 

You knock gently on the door, afraid to wake more souls than already are waking with your constant footsteps and creaking floorboards. There is a slight voice in the air that answers you, telling you to walk in. To your surprise, he looks like he has never left that seat. His uniform and his hair-- everything about him was like a statue as you enter. He glances over to you briefly, before his eyes goes back up to your figure. 

'Squad Leader [L/N]? What are you doing still up?' he asks. His calloused right hand, previously scribbling with a quill, is now resting under his chin. His eyes-- those you admired so much and often get drowned in-- stare at you as if you were naked. 

_'Naked'. Why is that word ringing in my head?_

Gulping, you assume your salute and curl the fingers of your free hand into a fist before striking it to your chest. 'Sir,' you say and at the wave of his hand, you turn back into your normal self-- hands hanging at the sides as you approach his desk, 'We have a situation. Someone has smuggled a novel that I-- '

'This late at night? I think it can wait for tomorrow.' 

_God, he's right._

'Y-you're right, sir,' you stammer shyly as you scratch your cheek. 'I think I'll come back tomorrow morning.'

_Or did I just make up an excuse to just see him?_

He smiles softly at you-- which had you holding your breath-- and chuckles, 'Did you come all the way here just to check up on me?'

You feel heat rising to your cheeks. It is worst than when you finished reading half of the porn earlier on. You lower your head, panting nervously-- 

_No. I'm not nervous... I think I'm..._

'You're welcome to accompany me, if you like,' he suddenly suggests, making you whip your head up in disbelief. He continues as he sifts through his paperwork, 'It's obvious you haven't fully recovered from the last expedition to garner a full earned sleep. Sit.'

His last word sounded more like an order. 

You nod vigorously and take a seat on one of the chairs across his. You hear him begin his writing again, feeling completely out of place, and there is nothing else to do than to watch him-- even  _that_  was strange enough. You try to pry your eyes from noticing the shining sweats that grow on his neck or the way his chest heaves in annoyance as he sighs or the way his eyebrows furrow, creating a banks of wrinkles between his nose bridge-- maybe it's just how the candlelight touched his skin that allures your eyes to his figure. He would sometimes knead his forehead in pain and you wish you could only be of assistant. 

But you feel strange.

You feel trapped to your seat with the erotic novel in your hands taunting you. You don't even know how or when or worst,  _why_  you flick it open-- your eyes now dragging from the top of each page and traveling downwards: words now burst into a cinema of intricate coitus in your mind, naked bodies meshed against each other, lips doing more than just talking or kissing or licking and it doesn't even strike you as disgusting. 

You feel good. You feel the ripples of the effects of reading erotic scenes on you-- the warmth that now hints itself as coming from between your legs are begging you to do something about it, to unleash it. Your body is now trembling in the summer's hot, humid air, which catches the attention of your Commander. 

'[F/N]?' he asks with concern heavy in his deep voice, 'Are you alright? You're trembling.' 

You could feel his eyes examining your slightly unkempt [H/L] [H/C] hair, your glowing [S/C] skin, your fidgeting and fiddling with the hem of your jacket. You start to imagine what it is like if he had touched you, held you, kissed you, sucked you, fucked you and--

_I think... I'm in heat._

You nod to yourself more than to him as you say, 'I-I'm fine.' 

Your voice comes out like a croak. You're afraid to look up and see him, afraid that he might see what you're doing to yourself or what your reading has unraveled in you. But his sharp eyes are like gravity and you wander your [E/C] eyes towards his. 

And there's the solution right there in front of you-- your own commanding officer. 

_N-No! No! I can't do that!_

You suddenly slam the book in your hands and throw it on the empty seat beside you, ignoring how he flinch at the sound and act of it. Your eyes flitting from his form towards something else in the room that was less convincing. 

'[F/N], look at me,' he demands. 

But you ignore again. If you look another time into his blue eyes, you'll let something else loose-- you'll be all over him and you know it. Your body will want to experiment on what you have read, pictured and seen in the back of your mind. But you simply cannot allow your carnal desires to rise up-- not right now. 

'[F/N], why won't you look at me?' 

'I-It's n-nothing,' you stutter, crossing your arms-- but that only (accidentally, of course) squeeze your breasts together-- come to think of it, why weren't you wearing any bra?

_Ah, fuck. I left my bra in the showers! I didn't realise it till just now! This is embarassing!_

You reach for your hands and cup your face in them, stifling out a whimper. 

'Please, [F/N],' he sounds pleading this time, 'Will you tell me what's bothering you?'

_If only I could._

You don't know why, but you somehow manage to look up to him and stare deeply into his sky-blue orbs. The way he says your first name, the way he begs you, the way it sounds like-- 

_It almost sounds like porn._

You shake your head and abruptly stands up, 'I wish I could tell you, sir, but I think the timing's wrong.'

'Just tell me.' 

'You won't understand and I don't mean that to undermine your reputation nor your achievements, but I just feel that it isn't something so simple or important.'

With that, you turn your heel and head towards the door. Your hands now gripping the doorknob into a choke hold. 

But you pause. For the love of whatever, you pause. 

_It's just sex. People do it all the time. They can do it only one time. Nothing can come out of it, right? R-right?_

'Fuck this,' you cuss as you click the lock on the door and spin around towards your superior again.


	2. Part Two

**Carnal Disorder**

**A/N: This story contains highly detailed smut. Do not read if you're not prepared for that.**   
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You don't catch the look of surprise on your Commander's face nor the fact that he has stopped all his scribbling ever since he addressed you-- that he is actually  _watching_  you this whole time. You instantly take off your brown military jacket, throwing it carelessly on the floor, as you march your way towards him. Your breasts bouncing vigorously through your actions. 

'[F/N]? What's wrong?'

You don't expect yourself to explain, of course. You let your actions do exactly that. 

You grip the armrests of his chair, turning it around so he could face you, and you jump on him without any hesitation-- with your legs spread open between his groin, you are indeed straddling him. By this time, however, you have already began panting. Your mouth is hanging lose as you gasp for air, your trembling fingers undoing every button on your shirt, your eyes debauched into the same cinema you once imagined before. You take off your clothes in front of your amazed superior, letting it slide off your person as you hungrily watched him back, and expose your wholesome breasts. 

'Suck it,' you suddenly growl. 

He looks up to you with wide-blue eyes-- the same ones you wish to divulge all your lust, passion and desire to. 

'I said,' you demand. You don't know how you got so brave as you tug his hair into your hand, pushing him to the front of your nipples-- just the feeling of his breath has sent you off the edge. 'Suck it!' 

He opens his lips, grazing its tip on your bubbling skin. You feel his hands traveling up your sides, feeling every inch of your curves to the back of your body, and suddenly pulls you close. 

'A-AHN!' you let out. 

His lips meets your skin in a burning encounter, meshing your nipples wetly with his warm tongue. His steaming breaths taking the scent from every pore of your skin as he sucked upon your bud. You play with his hair, swirling it around and over, as you correspond to your Commander playing around with his own tongue-- sometimes he twirls it around or over your nipple, sometimes he goes on sucking it without end, sometimes his lips takes your breasts into his mouth where the sucking is harder and deeper to the point his saliva is dripping out. 

'G-God,' you cry out weakly, still feeling your hands in his strands of blonde hair, 'I-I like i-it... M-More!' 

He makes a small note of your shaking knees, but obliges by sucking your nipples more and  _harder_. His hands now work their way up-- one is kneading into your other, drier breast while another hand is holding you close as he grasps your back with his rough fingers. His lips break out in a gasp but he immediately resumes his work on your free breast-- his hand now alternating to the ones he had left drenched in his taste. He squeezes out the wet skin, causing you a slight pain-- but you are filled with too much pleasure for you to notice any pain. 

_I want more than just this._

You watch as he sucked upon you-- his eyes gazing up to you as if he too was watching. 

_Does it mean that he wants me to feel all of this?_

You pause your mind for a while, staring into his lust-clouded eyes. 

_I don't care what he thinks of me. I want him. I want him inside me._

Your hands are now gripping the collar of his jacket. His arms assist you by falling limp for a nanosecond, letting you taking the brown fabric off of him. His blue eyes still watching you as you guide your way through his shirt, unbuttoning them, and you pull away the necktie to throw it somewhere into the air-- you even thought you hear him chuckle. But you continue to remove his shirt, drawing it out through his sleeves and hurling it to the ground. 

You run your soft fingers around his clavicle, his hard and lean muscles from his chest, his abs, back up to his neck-- he was burning up too. You compel yourself to lean forward, eyes meeting his, before you close the distance and kiss him. 

He seems to appreciate it by opening his mouth, letting you enter your tongue, feeling his teeth-- his own tongue is exploring your own mouth, slicking its saliva all over yours. Both breathing through your flared up nostrils, the two of you break apart to gaze into each other's eyes and-- 

'Do you want me?' he suddenly inquires, breaths hitching in his throat. His hands are resting at your sides, clasping your flesh so you won't ever leave him. 

This earns you a blush as you think of an answer. 

_I want him. I want him inside me. I want him everywhere._

'Y-yes,' you rasp out, cupping his cheeks in your hands, 'I-I want you, C-Commander.'

'Call me Erwin. Please...' 

You widen your [E/C] eyes. 

_What?_

'I want to hear you say my name,' he whispers softly against the skin on your chin, almost begging. 

You nod reluctantly, 'E-Erwin. I-I w-want you...' 

You see his eyes widen-- but only for a while. A ghost of a smile trace his lips as he slowly draw you in. 

'Then you can have me,' he pulls you close into a passionate kiss. 

His tongue has the dominance now, running itself against you in a desperate attempt to overrun your saliva. You feel him run his fingers up your back-- tickling you in the process and you shiver slightly at that-- then up towards your head where his long fingers whirl itself around your [H/C] strands. He tugs at them slightly, forcing a soft groan out of you, but he likes the sound of them and keeps playing with your hair. Then, he begins to unbuckle those stupid straps of belts around your body-- yet somehow, as if like a magic trick, he takes at least two off them off and you're free of the belts. 

_Must be one of them old tricks._

You continue letting him rule your mouth. Your buds now filled with his black tea-like taste and you ache for more. 

He proceeds with unzipping your pants, dragging the particle down your legs and you pull away to assist him-- you never got off him, though. You just raise your legs a little, resting your arms around his neck for support, while he drags it off of you. 

'You're naked,' he whispers on one of your breasts. 

_O-Of course I am! What do you think I was--_

You look down and realise that you didn't even wear your panties. You let out a gasp. 

'Ah!' you slap yourself, 'I forgot my bra and my panties in the showers!' 

'Hm, makes it easier for me then,' he chuckles as he continues to use his tongue on your sweaty skin. 

'Ah! E-Erwin!' you moaned, feeling that warm, slithering muscle go from your neck, clavicle, your breasts again and then your belly button. 

You can't take it anymore. 

Every single thing that he does only drives you off the edge, leaving you yearning for more-- even the way his skin gleams with sweat in the hot night turns you on so badly. He sends fire through his calloused touches, electricity bursting through his tongue and kisses, and you just want something so much more than that-- something involving that tent between his legs. 

You unzip his pants, without removing them from his legs out of pure desperation and need-- then out came his throbbing penis. Its full length had you worried for a while but you know better than that-- the stupid novel has shown you so much. So you crouch yourself on the chair and it lets out a soft creak, adjusting to your weight. Erwin watches you with amusement in his eyes as you lower yourself to his member-- its head poking at your wet entrance. 

'I take it this is not your first time?' his voice sounds hesitant-- or even disappointed. 

You look him in the eye and smile, 'No, it is my first.'

'Then aren't you afraid?'

'Of what?'

'That I might hurt you,' his vice grip slowly transform into gentle touches, encircling your skin kindly and tenderly. 

'No way,' you whisper against his lips and shake your head against his, 'You won't hurt me.'

With that, you take up one deep breath. You spread your legs as wide as you could on the already compact chair before you lower yourself in one fell swoop. 

'A-Ahhnn~' you moan. 

Erwin only let out a subtle grunt, merely holding you in place. 

Your already wet cavern down below is welcoming his erected, thick and long member with its drenched up moist and clenching hard muscles. But it was painful nonetheless-- burning as your walls stretched open to his length, swallowing him whole and accepting his heat. There is even a slight sting at when his penis is fully sheathed inside you and you pause. You could feel it throbbing in excitement inside you. What's worst, you could feel your own heartbeat down there and for some reason, you feel embarrassed that Erwin would know how nervous you actually are. 

'It's okay,' his voice summons your half-lidded eyes into his. He rubs his hands along your arms and then your waist as he murmurs, 'I'm right here.'

You hum in response and begin kissing his lips again. 

Your panted breaths now interlacing with the sounds of your skin slapping his-- wetness slouched together in a hot mess as you repeatedly go up and down. You try to feel him in every inch of your womb, making sure to wet the tip of his member before going down whole again, and again, and again. 

'A-Ah, E-Erwin...' 

'[F-F/N],' he returns your call with his own moan. 

You know he feels it too. 

Before long, you began grinding him into you-- full and and whole without any pause or hesitation. Explosion of pleasure now rising from between your legs and up your stomach. He feels your desire as he now cups your breasts, licking and sucking your nipples as he did previously. 

'Ha... H-hah...' you breathe as you tug his hair again-- you love that feeling. You love how you have to hang onto him just to stay steady, stay in control. 'O-Oh... Er-Erwin... F-Fuck...' you hiss as you feel his member enlarge a little, sliding in and out of you like your fast, heavy breaths.

His breathing is faster and more hollow than before as well-- sometimes going out into deep grunts and purrs as you take his member completely into you without end. His hands now gripping your thighs, pulling you down to him as you roll them, and his nails dig into your skin as if desperately asking you to ravish his cock with your wetness. You glance over and see him planting his face in valley of your breasts, tasting your dripping sweat and steaming you ever so slightly with his foggy breaths. 

'Er-Erwin...' You watch as he slowly looks up to you with droopy eyes, 'I-I want you t-to come...'

His blue eyes widen-- you wonder if he thinks about how you know what that even means.

'C-come with me,' you whisper seductively into his ear, licking its shell and feeling him tremble to your touch. 

You could feel how tentatively slick you were down there. Your pressing womb squeezing every inch of him tight against yours yet, with so much wetness that you slip it off of you somehow. Its contrasting friction blurs your logic-- how it is hot and yet wet, how it is slippery and yet so tight. You begin pounding into him in full anticipation of what the novel explained as the 'orgasm'. 

'E-Erwin,' you call out. 

Your hips are going faster and faster. The sounds of your skin slapping his now turns into the sound of clapping-- rolling the drums of your orgasm into place. Your breathing goes shallow and shallower by the second as you rise and fall into his throbbing member. You grip against his shoulder, digging your nails into his skin as you go faster and deeper. 

You feel him digging his teeth into your skin, his nails into the flesh of your bum and--

'H-ha... I-I'm close!' he announces and you know. 

You know because you're about to lose it too. 

You squeeze your buttocks together for this last ride. Your hips moving entirely on its own while you spread your legs wider over the armrest, allowing his penis to dig into you more, stretching your walls apart and sliding in deeper and deeper-- rising in more pleasure and painful lust. You just keep on going up and down, grinding him slightly against your vagina with your back arched, and just let it slip.

'E-ERWIN!' you scream. 

There it is. 

You feel your wet muscles below squeezing him out and he fills you to the brim as you both reach the end of your highs and lows. You feel it spurting its seeds into your womb-- it was hot and fiery, burning your already tired and pained muscles. Your toes even curl at the sensation of it burying itself inside you. For once in your life, you feel... complete. 

'H-ha... E-Erwin,' you whisper, pulling away to see his expression. 

What you saw afterwards surprise you. 

Erwin is blushing as madly as you probably are. His eyes half-lidded and groggy, his body trembling a little and you thought you see some of his sweats dripping along his tight chest. You watch him in awe-- he looks incredibly satisfied (and not to mention, willing) to you. As his blue eyes wander from your navel up your breasts and finally to your equally sweating face, he smiles. 

'Are you up for seconds?' he chuckles. 

You don't understand at first. 'W-what? D-do you actually... w-want me?' 

_It's just sex, right? One time thing, r-right? He can't possibly--_

His eyes widen but gently narrows them as he leaves butterfly kisses from your neck and to your cheeks. You're only inches away from his face as he gaze into your eyes-- his blue orbs never once looked so beautiful than the way he is looking at you right now. 

'After all of that,' his breathing is slipping away from his lips, panting heavily after your exhausting manoeuvre of jumping onto him, 'Don't tell me you don't know...' 

You shrug in confusion. 

'Of course I want you, silly,' he bumps his forehead into yours, chuckling like an idiot. 'I want so much of you.' 

If there is a thing in this world that was hotter than a fire (or a steaming titan's carcass), it was probably the way your cheeks flared up at his words and those words themselves. 

You lower your head, your lips running against his as you place a chaste kiss. It was a gentle kiss-- one that he quickly returns as soon as you finished and both of you end up kissing each other breathlessly again. Only this time, Erwin slowly picks you up and lands you on his desk-- the papers scattered upon impact, some even stick against your wet skin. You try to pull away and breathe, but Erwin's insisting on emerging his lips with yours. 

'E-Erwin,' you breathe out as you push him away from your body-- yet he only leaves just so he could suck on your lower lip. 'I-I can't breathe...' 

'Then don't breathe,' were his last words before he digs his tongue into your mouth.


	3. Part Three

**Carnal Disorder**

**A/N: This part has some implied Levi x Reader. It also contains highly detailed smut. Do not read if you're not prepared for that.**   
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You hear something snap. 

'Oi, [F/N]!' a familiar, smarting voice suddenly leaves holes in your ear canals. 'What the fuck are you doing? [F/N]!'

You whip your head to the left-- all your five senses returning back to its normal self: your [E/C] eyes sees Captain Levi standing before you and snapping his fingers in your face, your nose sniffing out the heavy disinfectant liquid off his hands, your ears that was once buzzing now gathering up the words he has just spoken, your touch lingering on the broom in your hands and your heart-- suddenly begins beating again. 

'Ah!' you let out a startling cry, 'Wha-what just happened? D-Did I space out?'

The Captain gives you an odd look. His raised eyebrows addressing you in a contorting confusion, his icy blue eyes survey from your head to your toes-- as if suspicious of something. Without any reprimand, he suddenly yanks the broom out of your grip and shakes his head in a maddening irritation. 

'Tch. Damn it! You do no good zoning out like that! What the fuck's wrong with you anyway?' he growls. 

You're slightly offended by that. 'Hey! What was that for? I didn't mean to--' you stumble on the ground just as you try to catch up with him. 'Ouch! That hurt!' you cry as you rub your bum like a sore child.

'Hey, you okay?' he reaches out to you with his free hand-- his voice slightly gentler than before, 'I didn't even hurt you, yet you fell like a baby that's just learnt how to walk...' 

You gulp nervously as you take up his hands, 'Y-yeah, thanks, buddy...'

'Don't call me that,' you could feel him observing you as you stand up-- your knees bucking as both are incredibly wobbly, but you try to hide it by dusting off your white pants and adjusting your belts here and there. 'Honestly, what the hell is wrong with your legs?' he notices, 'It's like you ran twenty laps and your legs turned into jelly!'

You immediately flush. 'I-I, uh, I-- '

'Don't even bother finishing that sentence! Geez, you're worst that the cadets!' 

'Hey! What the hell did you--' as you chase Levi around, the two of you swerve into one corner only to stumble upon two other senior members-- Squad Leader Mike Zacharius and of course, your beloved Commander Erwin Smith. 

Erwin gives two takes with his head before he stares at you completely, smiling, 'Hey, [F/N], good morning.' 

'G-good morning,' you sheepishly run your hands on the back of your neck-- before long, however, you notice that Levi is glaring at you in the corner of his icy azure eyes and you immediately shift into a salute just like he was. 

'I take it you had a  _very_ good night?' Erwin teasingly asks you. You know of course it was directed to you and you alone. 

But you could feel Mike and Levi's eyes widen, glancing over to you as you turn beet red. 

 _No. You're so much better than this... You made the_ first  _move. Not him!_

'Yes, sir,' you sigh out and smile confidently without all that shyness you previously had shown, 'Of course I had a good night... since I insisted myself on investing every  _waking_ seconds and minutes on it.' 

Commander Smith widens his blue eyes. Much to your surprise, Mike is trying to stifle out a chuckle while Levi lets out a bored sigh; you could swear you sense Levi's own jealousy from the way he looks away-- or rather avoids looking-- at you or Erwin. 

_But that guy hates me more than he hates germs._

'Is that so?' You thought you see a decent blush on Erwin's face, but he feigns a cough as he clears his throat, 'Squad Leader [F/N], I  _need_  that paperwork you promised me yesterday. Tonight, in my office-- is that alright?'

You nod silently with a smile-- one only Erwin could have mistaken as a smirk. You and Levi watch in that same straight-as-a-plank stance as the two other members retreat into the end of the hallway, leaving you two to breathe easy and resume work. Levi then gestures at you with his titled head towards an open door and the two of you head straight in-- you cough as soon as you catch its musky and filthy air. 

'D-damn!' you gasp, 'Th-this place i-is filthy!'

'Since when does Erwin refers to you by your first name?' Levi raises his eyebrows at you once more, his voice is filled with envy and you know it.  

You look up to catch him biting his lips and looking away from your [E/C] eyes. 'I don't know... Probably since last night,' you return in a mumble. 

'Is that right?' he hisses as he walks off to one corner, 'What did you guys do last night?'

_What? What did he just--_

You almost choke yourself with your own thoughts. You turn to him and is amazed at his stone-cold, near perfection face as he busies himself with sweeping the floor off its dust. He looks so stoic, so much without emotion and it hurts you to think that he might actually feel some pain to know of your relationship with Erwin. 

'Was it,' he pauses, feeling your eyes but never meeting them-- it is almost like he thinks about the repercussions of his words, ' _Sex_?'

_But he hates me.... right?_

'So what if we did?' you rebut, shrugging your shoulders as you grab a duster. 

As you turn, you catch Captain Levi staring at you-- his frosty orbs never before had looked so dead and empty. There is a brief glimpse of that emotion you speak of and it pains you suddenly to see him like that-- eyes dark with shadows created by his bangs with a watery shine in his eyes that reveals an eclipse of loneliness in them. You gasp, fearing your thoughts were right, as you examine him-- even that tight grip around the wooden broom which turns his knuckles white is so unlike him. Suddenly, he isn't the  _cool_ guy you knew he was. 

'So that's your business and not mine,' he merely replies as he lowers his head. 

_Then why do you look so hurt?_

'Anyways, whatever. I'll go and get more cleaners-- damn those lazy-ass recruits!' he states before going out of the room and leaving you there. You wonder why he doesn't throw insults laced with cusses and curse words about you sleeping with your superior. But instead, there's nothing to rub salt in your wounds. 

_It can't be, can it? Levi can't have liked me, can he?_

**\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - Later that night** **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

You stand firm before the door of your commanding officer. Before you could knock, however, you look around the hall for anyone that may be creeping out to hear the ruckus you or Erwin would make that night-- the thought of that sends goosebumps down your spine. Once you are sure the coast is clear, you smile slowly and knock twice on the door. Erwin calls for you and lets you enter. You quickly enter his office, shutting the door behind you and click the lock as you did the night before. 

'Hey,' he smiles as he looks up to you at the door. It takes him a while, but he eventually places the paper in his hand back on the desk and slowly makes his way towards you. 

You smile back even wider as you watch him approach you. 'What's this  _report_  you wanted?' you tease as you giggle, 'I could've sworn you were-- '

Instead of being met by his kiss, your lips are kissing the covers of that nameless erotic novel you left behind after your love making with Erwin. Your eyes stretch wide open as you let out a soft gasp, cheeks slowly turning red as you look back up to him-- he has a smile on his face, one that was cunning and conniving like a smirk. 

'Is this what spurred what happened last night?' he asks curtly.

'E-Erwin, tha-that's not what y-you think it is. I-It's not even mine!' 

'Oh?' he coos, 'Well then, why were you reading it when you came into my office?' 

You feel his body pressed up against yours now-- the only thing that borders you and him was your particles of uniform and that stupid book. 

'I-I was curious...' you murmur, looking away as Erwin reaches out with his arms. He blocks the sides of your head with his hands, caging you in his hold. 

'Ah, so you were a curious kitten last night, eh?' 

You gulp, feeling his hot breath on your face. Slowly but surely, he traces his lips on your cheeks, along your temple and in your hair-- smelling your scent. Then he heads straight towards one of your ears. There's a wavering breath that brushes against your lobe, causing you to blush and tremble at its touch. But you stay still, your arms pressed to your torso as you wait for his teasing to end. 

'Where's that curious kitten now?' he suddenly purrs. 

He withdraws with the filthy novel thrown back to his desk and his eyes suddenly meet yours in a mist of lust and passion. You look back with equal force, of course, but perhaps retaining that innocently virgin-like meekness. You reach out for his face, tracing your fingertips on his stocky cheeks, playing around the crisp edge of his golden wisps and you blush when he closes his eyes, surrendering to your warm touch. 

'E-Erwin...' your words came out in blows of your shallow pants. 

He finds a vice grip hold around your frail wrist, leaving you unmoving and speechless. His eyes slowly flutter open-- when they do, you let out a gasp. They are watery with slight tears and his blue irises have ripples of little waves in them as if trapped in a tempest. You couldn't really put up with what it feels like to stare into them at that moment-- it seems to be occupied with both elation and disappointment. 

'Whenever I look at my desk,' you widen your eyes at his statement-- because he was talking about last night, where you bravely attacked him with your carnal lust and he returned you with the same when he ground himself against your core on his office desk-- the thought of it sends you blushing even more. His eyes now slowly tracing the figures of your body, from your navel and up to your torso, then to your red face. 'I'm reminded of how you looked at me...' 

_Oh, please don't remind me of how terrible I looked._

'You were so beautiful.' 

_That's a lie. I'm a soldier, not a woman._

'So beautiful it brings tears to my eyes to think that you had been hiding your feelings for me all this time.' 

_I didn't hide. I wanted you to find me._

'Did you think I wouldn't find you?'

Your [E/C] eyes look back to his. There is a slight anger in them, as if it was desperate to hear your answer, that it would die without your say in it. You narrow your eyes-- the tunnel vision flashing back in your head of how you mewled before Erwin's rock hard muscles, his tongue running itself all over you, his erection delving itself into you over and over till you're done in a jelly-like state-- that was only two times of sex. 

 _I can't be_ that  _good. But all I know is that_ he  _is._

'I've never hid myself away from you,' you answer slowly with your eyes averting his gaze, thinking of your words without his vision clouding yours, 'I wanted you to find me. No, I still want you to find me, to want me and to... ravish me. But I thought being soldiers, we're not at liberty to do things in our own way for our own self-- we have only duties at hand... We have only duties as a soldier to humanity. Yet-- ' 

'[F/N], I-- '

You put a finger up to his mouth, 'Please. Just let me speak.' 

He says nothing. His mere blink allows you to proceed. 

'Yet I want to feel... what it was like to be a woman, to be  _your_ woman. I want to dedicate myself with the duties of being a woman,  _your_ woman, even as a soldier that I am. I find that impossible at times, but these little moments that we have... in this time of war, of death, of titans, I... I want to cherish it and enjoy it no matter what-- but I need to do so with your hand in mine.' 

He is in awe of your answer-- you know this by the way he takes a step back. His eyes widen in shock-- one you couldn't tell if it was pleasant or uncomfortable. Of course, you curse yourself for killing the mood. Yet you could feel the damp, moldy air that forces a growing hotness in you and there is no way of stopping it-- you know you tried to before and failed miserably, because otherwise you wouldn't be here in the first place. 

'[F/N],' he calls onto you and you look up to him with creased eyebrows, 'That was beautiful.' 

_Wh-what?_

He smiles now, 'I think that just settles it. I want you to be mine... no, you are mine and mine alone.' 

You merely watch as he walks back up to you, with his head driving up first and leaning forward to meet your lips with his. His hot tongue mercilessly drives itself against your closed up lips, but you open them in anticipation. It skims through your wet lips, making contact with your own tongue in a tangled up battle. 

'H-ha...' you've learned to breathe through your mouth as you leave it open, allowing Erwin to play within it-- the sound of squishing wet muscles, breathless pants and angry grunts fill the room. 

He pins you to the door behind you, inducing a loud thud as he takes off your jacket in a despairing effort to remove you off your clothes, to rid you off them and strip you naked as the night before this. He never leaves your lips though, as his hands feel your breasts through your shirt-- but before you know it, he pulls it by the sides and tears its buttons out from its hem. You startle at this, immediately covering up your exposed breasts-- to no avail, of course. 

'Hey,' he growls, pulling your hands away and pinning them to the wood behind you now. 'I thought I said you're mine.' 

You look up to him with droopy eyelids, 'I-I am yours for the t-taking...' 

He says nothing but begins to kiss you sloppily once more. His hands expertly moves on to caress your skin below your head-- sometimes tenderly, sometimes pressing against the fleshes to induce red bruises, but not that you minded. You like how he touches you-- how it burns and fuels you-- and you shut your eyes, allowing your touch to picture his body as you snake your hands on his chest then up to his neck, clutching onto him for dear life. He hisses when you play with the undercut behind the back of his head-- his strong arms pick you up by the buttocks, grabbing both sides and wrapping your legs around his waist. 

'Do you want to do it here?' 

You quietly hum, 'If you want to be reminded every time you look at the walls-- sure, why not?'

'I like the sound of that,' he chuckles as he kisses your neck now. 

Still trapped and pressed against the door, you hang onto Erwin for support and he doesn't look like he can't handle you-- if he's capable of leading an army of humans into the field of titans, of course this was nothing. In fact, the desire and passion to make love to you seems to fuel him just as much. 

You feel a string of your own saliva sliding out the sides of your lips as you hang it open, gasping for air-- you're abiding to the highs for his touch, for his administrations over you and your body. Erwin is moving on to cup your breasts with both hands so you arch your back against the door to allow him to take them whole. He does as you expected, kneading his hands into your mounds and entrapping your erect nipples in his rough fingers. He squeezes ever so gently against them both, his fingers end up pinching your buds. 

'Ah-ahn! Erwin!' you call. 

He growls in his deep throat but says nothing. He knows it arouses you if he sucks them-- probably more so after he finished reading through that novel-- and goes on to do exactly as you once pictured him to. He takes up your left nipple whole in his ripe mouth, sucking hard and wet against your skin and you tremble against the touch, the action, the sound. You feel something slip out of your wetness between your legs and you know that that was just the beginning. 

'E-Erwin,' you beg, 'Don't tease me.' 

'I have to tease you. That way I know you're mine to control,' he moans out as he goes on to your other nipple. 

You hate (but love) how the slippery skin gets fanned by cold wind as he leaves your breast hanging to dry and exposed. You pants grow faster and heavier by the seconds as you watch him pleasure you with his tongue-- God, don't you just hate how his baby blues tease you by merely watching! They are almost challenging you too. But as you couldn't do anything, you feel his hand reaching down to the belt around your pants and you feel it drag against the door before crashing onto the floor. Then suddenly-- 

'A-ah!' you scream out, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. 'Wh-What-- E-Erwin, wha--' 

He kisses you gently on the cheek and hushes, 'Shhh. It's just me...' 

You indeed  _feel_  him-- his fingers to be exact-- creeping down from your bikini line and then down to your clitoris. You gasp out for air as he circles his fore finger around your wet opening below-- slipping up and down-- while his thumb pressed hard against your clitoris. You start trembling, electricity shooting out from his intricate ministrations as you kept on panting like a running dog. Your half-lidded eyes meet his wide-awake ones-- they are observing your reactions keenly and you know so by the growing heat and tent in his pants. He likes watching you and you want to give him the best show. 

'W-what are you w-waiting for?' you breathe, hissing gently as he fingers poke a little into you. 'Shove it in!' 

He chuckles, but obeys you nonetheless. You feel not one-- but  _three_  of his large, long and prickly fingers thrusting into your wet core and you scream. You know you shouldn't but you couldn't help it anymore-- the way his nails are scraping against your inner walls, scissoring you open, is so much greater than imagination that it is painful. You look into his eyes and this time, they narrow in pure lustful enjoyment of your screams. As he pulls out his fingers altogether, you shake your head. 

'More,' you demand, pulling him closer to you that your chest meshed against his shirt. 

_Why is he still clothed, damn it!?_

'Of course,' he answers with a smirk tugging at the ends of his lips. 

Without warning, he takes up four fingers and fill them inside you. You arch your back, your head bumping against the wooden door as you roll your eyes up in flawless ecstasy. By reflex, you spread your legs open and tug your toes at his waist-- if he doesn't remove his clothes soon, you'll have to tear it off of him. But you couldn't think anymore now as he forcefully throws his fingers in and out-- each inch soaks in your taste and flavour as he repeats it over and over. But you know what was going on, you begin bucking into his fingers, rolling your head back and forth-- your breathing hitching here and there. And then there was that familiar white hot flame bursting in your core and you come. 

'H-Ha... G-God...' you try to breath calmly through your flared up nostrils, but the way Erwin is staring at now is distracting. You watch as he pulls up his wet fingers, licking every one of them and propping them into his mouth-- it turns you on so badly. 

_No more of this!_

You pull at the hem of his collars and throws it somewhere on the ground, then take off his white shirt from its tucked position, take off the belts achingly and finally remove his pants-- till he was completely bare and naked as you are. Of course, you don't even notice him chuckling ever so humourously at the hunger you displayed when you remove them. 

'You really want to do it here, eh?' he whispers into your ear as his skin touches your body. 

You nod vigorously-- words have lost its meaning as the only thing in your mind now was to have yourself filled with him and only him. 

'Alright, alright,' he laughs as he takes up your legs with ease, hooking his arms under your knees and pulls your groin close to his. He takes one last look at you as you're gently being hedged to the door behind you-- its splintered body against your back is only making things worst, adding more to your imagination and senses. Erwin sees this and smiles, his member twitching a little as it touches your opening slightly, and he hums into your ears, 'Here I come.' 

You couldn't wait for anymore preludes. You just wrap you legs tighter for what's to come, wrap your arms around his upper body like they were an anchor holding you in place, and just feel-- feel as his length comes into your deep self with its tip licking off your walls like it was thirsty for you. 

'Ahn...' you moan as you feel its shaft digging into that one strange spot. It must be the way you were positioned that seems to highlight that. 'W-wow... R-Right there...' 

'Right here, love?' he asks, noticing that by your current debauched look as you drool and your eyes roll, 'Don't worry, [F/N]. I won't ever miss!' 

And he doesn't. 

When he pulls away, he pulls  _all_  his length out. You could only miss its searing heat for a millisecond before he shoves it back in where it belongs-- whole and complete of its full inches. You grip tighter against his arms now as you close your eyes, picturing his length in you through the sounds and senses of him thrusting over and over. 

_God, it feels so good like this!_

The way you legs are spread around his waist was like a split and it allows him to delve straight into that spot that just awakens every pore of your carnal needs. 

'Th-There! M-more!' you moan, biting you lip hard and making it red. 

He moans back at you, 'Y-yeah? Y-you like that? D-Does it feel good? T-tell me... [F-F/N]...' 

'Yes! YES, ERWIN! G-God, it feels so g-good!'

His pace is still slow and somewhat sluggish, as if he's teasing you-- but it is working nonetheless. Maybe he just likes the way your breasts bounce against his movements as you notice he has been keeping an eye on it. 

You know all these teasing works because it only fans the dim ember inside you into a burning flame. At some point, he does it too much for you to handle though-- he lets the tip poke you whenever he's taken it out and only shove its head into you. So you respond by squishing your inner wet muscles around his and he hisses at you, pushing it deeper to elicit your usual moans. That's when he slowly goes faster and you then start bucking your hips into his, screaming out his name. 

'MORE! FASTER! FA-FASTER!' you breath into his ear. 'ER-ERWIN!' 

He doesn't let you down. With his arms hooked below your long legs, he pulls them up and closer to his torso-- his penis pushing, ramming into you like it was falling into a tight gorge swiftly and thoroughly. The door behind you starts creaking and thudding, your back is sweaty and meshed against its thorny splinters as pleasure begins to snap your coil. When he sees you throwing your head back, he knows you're close. So he does something you don't expect. He circles his throbbing member while hot and wet inside you, grunting out as he withholds his own climax at the way your walls clenched around him so tightly. 

'[F-F/N],' he calls for you and stare into his eyes with fluttering eyelids, 'Say you love me...' 

_What?_

'Say it,' he demands, painfully taking out his long, hot member and then shoves it up your drenched womb-- only to grind against your walls in a circular motion and you let out a whimper. 

'I-I,' you feel drool slipping out your lips, 'I-I LOVE YOU, ERWIN! E-ERWIN! M-MAKE ME COME! P-PLEASE, ER-ERWIN!' 

He says nothing to that, satisfied by the looks of it. 

His penis is twitching once more as he pushes into you faster than any frolicking, hungry titans. As you both come and fill each other with a sudden wet warmth, he doesn't stop and keeps on plummeting over and over against your pulsating walls-- it even drives you mad. Titans could swallow you, regurgitate you and you could survive-- but this. This is nothing compared to that. 

'E-ERWIN! D-DON'T STOP!!' you yell out loud, ignoring how your mind tells you to be careful of your tone-- you didn't care. He needs to know you like it, that you want it and that it mustn't end yet. 

He grunts, 'H-Ha... I-I won't stop!'

As he bumps his head against yours, both your eyes meet-- though half-lidded, both of you could only allow your body's lasting energy to just mesh against each other in an explosion of pleasure and passion. It's surprising that he could keep up with it though as you feel yourself hurting as you squeeze around his penis, still milking it delicately off its contents, and yet his member is still hard like stone-- pushing your walls aside as if it was just the nape of another titan to slash. It ends for you when you so tiredly run your fingers along his biceps-- that was still holding up your legs-- and you widen your eyes as you watch your partner enjoy the wrapped up feeling inside your heat. 

'Er-Erwin,' you whisper. 

_Don't I satisfy you? Is it not enough?_

You know he's come more than twice now as he suddenly slams his head against the door behind you. Just like that, his legs stop-- turned into jelly. In fact, as he slowly loses his energy to hold you still, you both fall onto the floor. There is nothing in the air but the doubt of love in your mind and his pained, laboured and hollow breaths. 

'Th-that...' he begins to speak, as if explaining to you, ' _That_  was absolutely fantastic...' 

_He came more than once. It was four times-- th-that's more than last night... I wonder...._

'Erwin, are you alright?' you cup his cheeks as you make him turn to you. You could see that he's happy though, turning your doubt into confusion. 

_If he's happy, then... what makes him do all of that?_

'I'm fine... I just wanted to feel... what's it like... if I go all the way... without end... with you...' 

It's strange to see him speaking like that in that kind of tone. It makes a blush creep on your cheeks. 

He smiles as he pulls up your chin, 'You were so weak... after last night... I know it was only twice... I just... I want to know... what's it like to be weak... and yet so happy.' 

'Erwin, stop. You're making me-- ' 

You feel a warm pair of lips kissing yours, chaste and sympathetic to the touch. As you break apart, Erwin pulls you close to his chest-- one arm hooks around your back while the other under your legs as he picks you up. He stumbles, of course, and blurts out into a chuckle at the way it happens-- you bumping your head on the door while he bumps his into yours. The moment is truly beautiful, absolutely loving in contrast of what happens outside the Walls on your expeditions. 

'Let's get to bed, shall we?' he whispers as he kisses your forehead. 

You nod as he carries you like a baby in a fetal posture into his bedroom-- which is just a connecting door away from his own office-- and you hug him with a tired, contented smile. Your nimble fingers grazing his back a little while your breasts press hard against his. He actually groans at the contact and you thought you see his member throbbing in eagerness-- again. 

'Up for fifths?' you chuckle. 

He looks down on himself before throwing you on the bed and laughs-- even blushing slightly, 'Just tell me how you want me this time...' 

'After four times, you still want more?' you laugh this time. 

'Hm,' he hums with his usual aloofness, hovering over you and kissing you softly. He interlocks his fingers around yours-- you even wander your [E/C] eyes to look at the way they did it because his fingers keep yours safely within its grasps and you love the feeling. You turn your attention back to your lover as he nudges his chin on yours in a loving saying, 'I could never get enough of you... not in this time... not in this world... Never.' 

You kiss him meekly on the lips, 'I could never get enough of you too.'

'Then there is more of me... and more of this,' he lowers his head to gesture at his hard-on and you both erupt into a chuckle-- but something crosses your mind. 

The pained look on Levi's face fills your vision. 

 _Maybe I can ask him about_ that. 

'Erwin,' your tone is sincere and serious so his face turns to you without a hint of that playfulness you saw earlier-- of course, you want it to stay but you are too curious to know. Both of you are adults anyway. Shrugging a little with a blush, you stare deeply into his blue eyes-- getting lost in its atmosphere, 'Am I really...  _that_ attractive?'


	4. Part Three

**Carnal Disorder**

**A/N: This part contains some mild smut. Do not read if you're not prepared for that.**   
**\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

'What kind of a question is that?' Erwin is now fully aware of your insecurities, brushing the back of his hand against your smooth, supple cheeks-- he is still crawling over you, his legs crossed against yours (though his knees are supporting him as he rests on all fours). The way he stares into your eyes is loving and friendly-- you could taste the sweetness of his actions in the air. 'You  _are_  attractive,' he smiles widely, 'Amazingly so!' 

_God, why does he happen to be such a sweetheart?_

You shake your head despite the warmth on your cheeks, suppressing a chuckle as you say, 'I mean, as a soldier...' 

'But I don't understand,' he creases his thick eyebrows and you only burst into a rude guffaw. While you are busy pulling up the blanket over the two of you, Erwin looks confused. 'What?' he prods on and returns to his previous position, only this time the wool sheet is covering his body and yours like a homely tent. His blue eyes are busy examining your [E/C] ones as if trying to discern you attention-- you know he'll be successful before long, 'Does this have something to do with us having this relationship?'

_Would you even call it that? For me?_

You glance over to his face and his eyes widen. 

'You don't actually think people disapprove of this, do you?' he asks, voice wavering a bit in distress. 

You quickly shake your head again. 'No! It's not that! I don't give a damn what they think!' you frown, 'I mean, I'm one of the oldest-- ' 

'The  _best_ soldiers around,' he finishes for you, pulling you into an embrace. 

His face rests gently on the crook of your neck, trailing butterfly kisses around your skin there as his weight is shifted onto you-- he was heavy, of course, but he makes sure to prop his elbows up and that leaves both his nipples and yours to brush against each other. You shiver slightly at the contact with your eyes pressed close-- when you open them, he stares at you lovingly. 

'You're absolutely  _amazing_ ,' he praises and you only blush harder. He chuckles at that, running his finger on your forearm, trying to make out the form of your body with his mere touch while he watches you with utmost attention, 'People will know why I chose you. You're beautiful, skilled and talented, you're poised-- ' 

' _That_  I am not! I know what I am-- a soldier-- and for that reason, I could never have been a woman!  _That_ , I think people know so well about!' you giggle. Of course, it pains a bit to laugh about yourself but you just do it out of pure instinct-- you mean what you've just said. 

'I see you as a woman,' Erwin whispers-- his voice husky and hoarse at the same time. 

_Is he telling me the truth?_

It demands you to turn back into his baby blues. 

_He is, isn't he?_

He leans forward to rest his lips against yours, murmuring against your nervous skin, 'I see you as  _my_ woman... all the time.' 

'Is that so...' your words are more of a statement than a question. You feel his tresses ruffling up against your skin as he makes his way for your breasts-- you let out a grunt as he kisses your flesh there, then work his way towards your nipple and teasingly cage it between his teeth. But your mind is no longer with your body-- the face of Levi is still plastered against your [E/C] vision. 'Erwin, please, not now...' 

'I thought you were up for fifths?' he chuckles, with no hint of disappointment whatsoever. You are a bit disappointed that you've stopped him from doing those little things. 

'I was, but I want to know more,' you plead, eyes making way towards his as you gently push against his chest, 'I want to know more about you... Am I not allowed to?' 

_It is a legitimate question. He is the Commander of the Survey Corps._

He smiles, letting out a soft and contented sigh. He plays with his fingers as they trace along your forehead, sweeping stray strands of your sticky [H/L][H/C] hair to the sides. 'Ask anything you want,' he finally says, arms now snuggling around your waist, holding you close to his flexing body while you rest comfortably in between. 

'Why did you...' You stop. You have to think of how to word this one out and the way Erwin's paying full attention to you is somewhat disturbing. You wander towards the ceiling behind his person and slur, 'How did you come to like me?' 

_It is a legitimate question. I wasn't one to be liked. I was a bit like Levi when I first came in._

Erwin places his chin against yours, 'Let's see... I remember getting goosebumps when I first saw you.' 

'And  _when_  is that?' you chuckle slightly at the way he speaks-- the movement tickles your face as every time he enunciates, your jaw gets pushed around in motion. 

'It must be after the then Commander Shadis told me that he has to accept your admission into the Corps,' he repeats the same action as before, enjoying your giggles. 'You walked into the mess hall and everyone fell silent-- I was the only talking so loud to Mike, didn't even notice you entering-- not that I didn't want to, mind you! I had a lot of things in my mind at the time so I... Well, anyway, I think you must've sent me a death glare or something-- no, it was  _definitely_  a death glare! I remember Mike elbowing me so that I'll realise you were standing before our table-- eyes like a titan seeing a human flesh.' 

_Well, that does sound like me._

'Geez, I sound like a man,' you grunt as you play with his hair now-- his face is still planted closely to yours and his breaths fanning your face coolly. 

'Of course, I think you forgot that you threw an insult at me. It's why you were called to Commander Shadis' office afterwards, if you remember correctly.'

_I do remember going to see Commander Shadis back then... But an insult? And to Erwin? How the hell--_

'Do you remember now?' suddenly, you feel his lower body grinding forward-- his unaroused member poking at your entrance and his hip bone crashing gently into yours. 

'V-vaguely,' you whisper as you squint your eyes, 'I throw insults at everyone.'

'Ah, yes, you did!' He erupts into a hearty chuckle, 'But it was memorable what you said to me.'

You furrow your eyebrows, 'I don't think I remember what I said.' 

'You pointed a finger at me and said:  _oh, lookie! There's a chat-box in a mess hall you don't often see! Do you want a piece of me, you sexist punk?'_

You inadvertently laugh at his attempts to copy your angry face-- his thick eyebrows creased in fury creating banks of wrinkles between them (over on his nose bridge too), his smile turns into a scowl and his nose flaring in disgust. But before that goosebumps he gave you could dissipate into actual fear for his dark face, it immediately reverse back into its once affectionate expression. 

'I-I said that?' you whimper, tears filling up your eyes. 

He hums in response, reaching out with his hands and wiping your tears away, 'Indeed you did... but besides instilling a new found fear in me, you also made me realise something I thought I'd never have again.' 

'What's that?'

'Love,' he purrs as he gives you a chaste kiss, 'Amongst others.' 

'Did you love someone else once?' 

'Hm, there was once a woman named Marie. She used to work at this bar where I used to retreat with several trainees back in the day... She was beautiful and I was young. I thought I knew everything there was to know back then. I was brash and confident, untamed and immature-- so when I saw her, I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.'

_I see him that way... So he used to love someone the way I love him..._

'Of course, that's when I realise I had bigger plans than settling down-- I wanted to save the world-- no, I still do! So I put that into my topmost priority, letting Marie have her own well-earned say and choice. I left her and so she picked up my former trainee-mate as her husband: Nile Dawk-- '

'You mean,  _Commander_ Nile Dawk?'

He nods as he gravitates towards your face again-- kissing your nose, your forehead, your cheeks and then your lips, 'The very same.'

'Hm, looks like you and him were born Commanders.'

'I wouldn't be so quick to say that he isn't,' he kisses your neck-- one right at your throat and starts nibbling on you. When he speaks again, his vibrating throat against your breasts tickles you, 'But anyway,  _before_  that day when you threaten me, I was ready to die anytime the Gods wanted me to and when I survived all the expeditions prior, I thought there was nothing else to look forward to than to free the world of titans... until you came along, of course.'

'What do you mean?' 

'You were so much bigger than the titans to me... and that's a lot to take, don't you think?' 

You bite your lower lip as you watch him explain more. 

'When you asked me if I wanted a  _piece_ of you, though it was an insult  _and_  a veiled threat, I couldn't help but think back:  _I do want a piece of you.'_

The hot, red blush on your cheeks remain as he deeply gaze into your eyes. 

'I have never wanted anything so much in my life,' he hisses suddenly as he remembers, 'It was painful, almost like betraying myself.'

_That much? How could you love me that much? How could you--_

You didn't know why, but you shake your head, 'H-how could fall for me like t-that? Wha-what I said was nothing l-like what a woman would say to a-a man. That's just-- ' 

'It wasn't just that,' he laughs-- his voice sounds broken to catch you crying like that, 'Do you remember when Hange pulled a prank on you and got you to dress into a skirt, thinking it was an  _official skirt day_?' 

_God. Yes. Fuck yes. Who could forget that?!_

'People couldn't recognise you. Half of the Corps look to you like shark smelling blood-- God, I still remember that pungent perfume she made you wear-- of jasmine and camellia! It turns me on so bad that I feel so out of place when I couldn't even recall your name! I thought you were someone else and then you suddenly-- '

'I called you a  _shameless prick,'_ you turn crimson at the thought, 'Yes, I remember. I don't know how that's appealing...'

'Well, I'm not finished,' he pecks your lips lightly again and then pulls away to just stare into you [E/C] eyes, 'Right after that, I remember Hange pulled up your skirt and everyone-- most specifically at the time,  _all_ the male officers-- could see your panties!' 

_Where the hell is he going with this?_

'It was such a shameful act-- ' 

_God, honestly, can I not be more ashamed than this?_

'That you blushed so badly-- ' 

_I think that's happening right now!_

'And you actually cried,' his voice is low but deep, peeling your eyes away from the ceiling and into his own azure ones, 'You cried and ran out. No one was chasing you out when they realised who you were! Some even say that Hange pulled a great prank-- '

_I remember punishing her to scrub ALL the fireplaces._

'But that wasn't her intention.'

You whip your head back to face his, 'What?'

'She wanted to show everyone that you were like any other woman in the Corps-- that you were-- no, you  _are,_ in fact, beautiful... She pulled your skirt so everyone could see what you were wearing underneath-- those frilly, white cotton panties-- and that you were just like any other girl. You had feelings that made you frail and futile, that could make tears crawl out of your usually rude tear ducts. Hange was so mad and scolded them-- only the new recruits didn't say anything though. Not that they were too afraid to say anything-- no, in fact, I think it was only Levi's group that was blushing as mad as you were.'

You nod, 'Y-yeah, I remember seeing that... It made me think that maybe Levi and his gang weren't so bad after all.' 

'They weren't,' his blue eyes look away for a while as if in contemplation of something before they glance back into your eyes, 'I guess they just understood your type-- rebellious and almost criminal-- because they were just like you. Cadet Magnolia herself was somewhat boyish and she must've understood you completely, most especially at that moment-- but of course, that wasn't what most of the laughing stock wanted to believe. They just put everything aside.'

'Y-yeah,' you let out a dreary sigh-- Erwin busies himself with wrapping his fingers on your skin, specifically on your back, caressing them gently as if an attempt to soothe your hurt. 'I-I'm sure I m-made such a great i-impression... No one would've e-ever liked me the way y-you do...'

'They're inhuman if they don't... and it's not that they don't, they just take time to realise things-- I'm sure you've noticed.'

_Yeah. Ever since then, people went easy on me and so I went easy on them. Overtime, I became like sisterly figure to young cadets and a distant daughter to the old ones. Those who are as old as I was-- Erwin, Mike, Levi, Hange, Nanaba and the rest-- treat me like one of their own, some like a sister and some like something more than just buddies-- we became comrades._

'[F/N],' you turn your head towards Erwin's as you hear him call your name, 'Did you get what you were looking for?'

Your face contort-- perplexed by his question. 'How do you mean?'

'Well, you wanted to know me better...' 

_And to ask you if you think Levi would've like me as much as you do._

'Ah, yes,' you smile as you run your fingertips on his flesh, feeling his shoulder blades wrest against each other under his skin, and play with him, 'I've got more than what I bargained for.'

He smiles back at you and rises a little to peck your forehead, 'Then sleep. If you have more questions, I'd be more than willing to answer. But you look incredibly tired.'

'I am. My muscles are sore!'

'That was my mistake,' his parted lips spread wide into a sheepish giggle, 'Sorry about that!' 

'I'm not sorry and I shouldn't be... You least of all, too.' 

His gleaming blue eyes widen, delving into yours as if what you said was oxygen itself. He then locks his lips with yours, his warm and tender tongue slipping through your obliging lips to mesh against yours in a heated battle-- he even goes as far as grabbing the back of your head and pushing your forward or tilt his head to the side, thrusting his tongue deeper and explore more sides and tastes it could ever have flavoured. You keep your eyes open as this begins to unravel and so does Erwin. 

When you both break apart and stare one last time into each other's eyes, Erwin leaves a light peck on your already wet lips and crawls to your side. You proceed to cuddle onto his body as he did, your head resting on his chest to hear his ever calm heartbeats-- meanwhile, he wraps up his arms around your neck and plays with your hair. It wasn't long till his touch slowly drags on into a sleepy limbo and then into a groggy pat along your scalp. 

'Good night, [F/N],' you merely smile back as you sigh contently, enjoying how his lungs rise and fall like that, 'I love you too.'

_He finally answers._

Your grip around his sticky body tightens and you slowly fall asleep to the rhythm of his breathing, 'I love you, Erwin...' 

 **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - The Next Morning** **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

The sound of crickets disarms you without fail as it always has every dawning morning. 

Looking around the bed, you recognise it to be the larger quarters of your Commander Erwin Smith-- and not his office where most of your love making took place. Quiet strangely, both of you didn't pursue to more intercourse when you lay resting on the soft bed last night. You chuckle at the thought, awakening and eliciting an annoyed groan from your sleeping partner. 

'[F-F/N]?' he mumbles in his sleep, stirring to his side and pressing his eyes close while he's at it, 'What are you doing, love? Go back to bed.'

_He must've never had that much sleep before._

You poke his elbow slightly, making it jerk in irritation. 

'[F/N], stop. Get back to bed or I'll make you.' 

You know his threats has its substance but at the same time, this is the right moment for you to leave his room. You sigh in frustration, running rough touches to your bed hair and worsening its ruffle. 

_He's been so tired after all this time... To think that us having sex have actually helped him sleep-- even a little-- it makes me feel happy._

You smile as you watch him sleep beside you-- his back heaves up and down in serenity. His warmth has tripled over since the events of last night and the fact that he lies naked allows it to travel through the sheets and to you-- it is just so welcoming. You could picture yourself lying in bed all day and screw up the brass from the Capital by doing so-- it seems like a great idea as you trace his flexing muscles and ache to mesh yours against his. 

'Erwin, I have to go,' you whisper to yourself. 

There is no answer, of course. There is, however, a slight murmur in the still, foggy air. In fact, you know it more commonly as snoring.  

You couldn't believe your ears and bend forward over to his side, tucking your prying strands to the back of your ears as you listen. Indeed, Erwin-- your commanding officer and the highest authority of the Survery Corps-- is in fact snoring in his sleep. 

_Aw, he's so happy and comfy he's snoring..._

You feel even more happy now, elation tightening the stretch of your ribcage and sending cold shivers down your spine. You slowly lower your head to breathe against his ear then plants a long kiss on his cheek and pulls away before anything could stop you. Just as you creep your way to the side of the bed, you feel something pull you from your wrist. 

'Where are you going?' the peaceful slumber in his groggy voice is far too distinctive for you to ignore-- you try to stifle your oncoming laughs, turning to face him. One of his blue eyes is pressed closed and the one left opened looks to you eagerly as he says, '[F/N], it's far too early!'

You end up giggling anyhow, 'Well, I'd love to stay here with you-- trust me! But I have to leave now-- right when everyone's just waking up! That way, even when they thought they heard or saw me, they might dismiss it as just mumbles of others in their sleep!'

You catch him widening his  _both_ his eyes at you now-- his fingers still anchoring you half-way to the bed. 

'You know,' he narrows his eyes to mark its severity, 'You sometimes make the wildest claims, you know that?'

'So says the man who leads an army of humans towards hordes of titans,' you pout, tugging your hand away from his hold. 

You hear him chuckle and feel his eyes watching every part of your body as you bend over. You know he enjoys the view of your nether regions-- or even the part where the remaining wetness seems to slightly let out a soft purr into the air-- as you walk around or sometimes crouch to pick up your clothes. 

'Stay,' he suddenly orders but once met with your eyes, he begs, 'Please.'

'I can't. I can't have anyone find  _me_ here with you,' you answer, sliding your arms into your shirt sleeve. You could sense him hungrily watching your breasts as you realise you couldn't button up your shirt anymore. 

'You can wear mine.' 

'No,' you quickly quip, 'Yours is too huge.'

_Crap, that didn't sound right._

He lets out a chuckle (and you know he reads your mind at that point), wriggling his way out of the pleasantly cosy blanket and bed. He makes his way past you though and grabs a folded shirt from one of his drawers, throwing it at your direction. You pick it up without failing. 

'Try this,' he says and watches as you put it on, 'It should fit you if you just fold the sleeves.'

You do as you were told and of course he was right. But just as you fold the sleeves, Erwin marches forward and pulls both your shirt collar up-- meshing his lips against yours. He tastes like sour drowse, mystifying you into the illusion of night and forcing you to surrender. But you have better resolve than him in this waking state. 

'Er-Erwin,' you slowly pull away-- the sound of splashing wetness haunting your ears-- and you widen at the sight of a string of saliva connecting your lips with his, 'I-I'd love to continue... b-but I have to leave. I-I'm just not ready to tell a-anyone about us... not yet.' 

He croons in response and nods, 'I understand. Just take your time, alright?' 

_Don't give me that look._

'It's not that I don't want you,' you groan. 

'There's no need to explain,' he tips your chin so you'll look up to him and places a quick peck on your lips, 'I can see the want in your eyes...'

_I know you can._

'Y-yeah,' you sheepishly rub your neck and pulls up your pants. 'I bet you can!'

He chuckles and goes back to his bed, encircling himself within the blanket while leaning his weight on one propped elbow. He's still watching you as you now-- very loosely, though-- clasp the straps of the belts back on. You sneak your legs into the leather boots and pull it up, tugging slightly at its ends and made sure it won't slip off if you try to run later. 

'Be safe,' Erwin suddenly murmurs, 'If anyone asks-- '

'Erwin, I'm a big girl. I think I can handle it! You and I both know I can!' you let out a chuckle as you put on the last of your particle of clothing-- that brown jacket with the embroidered insignia of the Survey Corps strapped on its breast pockets and sleeves. 

Erwin falls silent for a while before he thinks back on his words, 'I'll see you soon...'

'Mmhm! Until then, good night!' you wave as you grab onto the door knob. You swiftly and silently press the click on the lock, sliding it open so that that the click doesn't resound-- it works. You smile widely and wave again at Erwin as you sneak through the crack. Once you step out, you stare at his door for a while. 

_I'm so happy. I can't be any happier-- ack! No! I'll be even happier when all the titans are exterminated! Until that happens, this is as happy as I can get!_

You resist the urge to skip your way into the dim-lit hallway of the Survey Corps base. Your boots aren't clacking though-- as you try your best to shuffle your boots instead of stepping your feet in a proper fashion. The morning is dawning, but it's still dark outside and no one's awake at this hour-- they probably try to wake up after someone tried to wake them, but all fall back to sleep just as Erwin did. 

_I can't believe I actually heard him snore!_

You giggle as you pass the opened doors of the mess hall--

_Wait, what?_

You back up a bit to peek into the hall and it was still dark-- more importantly, empty. But no one should have left the doors open. As you walk through the door frame, you feel a presence behind you-- when you immediately turn out of reflex, a hand creeps up to your face, silencing your screams or cries. It smelt just like that disinfectant a certain someone always uses.

'Shut up, idiot,' you could recognise that voice anywhere, anytime and anyhow-- confirming your thoughts.

_L-Levi!? What the fu--_

'Come with me,' he hisses-- his breath is burning against your ear as he leans in to your neck, 'Unless you want to cadets or the others to find out.'

_Find out what exactly?_

But either way, you would have to comply. 

You nod your head, feeling a sweat bead down your temple, before you feel Captain Levi wrap a tight grip around both your wrists-- pulling it to your back as he pushes you out of the mess hall. You do nothing-- not even squirming or fighting against him (which you know you can)-- because you're not ready to tell anyone why you were up and about during this hour. You have no excuse to tell them and you feel your  _womanly_ self (the one that Erwin repeatedly says he's fallen for) may explode into a seething, scornful wrath. 

To your surprise, he leads you to  _his_  quarters instead of yours, which was on the same floor as Erwin's but about two floors higher than the mess hall. Every one of the senior members there are still asleep-- you could've sworn you heard a loud snoring that you thought belonged to a fellow Squad Leader, Hange. 

_It just sounds like her weird voice... It almost says, 'titan, titans, titan'._

Levi slowly removes his hand from your lips, unlocking his door and revealing his dark room-- the only light being the last of that silver glow of the moon through his glass windows. He throws you on the ground and you respond with a mere grunt, afraid to make any sounds. You want to retaliate but you somehow have a bad feeling about this. 

_I mean, why was he around? He couldn't have awaken this early, even being the control freak that he is... But... Could he have been hearing Erwin and I last night?_

'I can't believe,' you heard him snap at you. 'That you would actually  _do_ something like that!'

_He knows. He knows about Erwin and I._

'Levi, what the hell are you talking about?' you crease your eyebrows together. 

_I know it won't work... but I can't look like I want him to know... At least not in this way!_

'Don't give me that shit!' he spat-- you see him raise his hand as if trying to slap you, so you press your eyes close and flinch. But nothing happen. You whip your eyes back open and observe him as he breathes heavily through and through, fighting against his own resolve and you know it by just looking. 

You shake your head, 'But I don't know what you're talking about!'

'You fuck around!' he suddenly cries out but withdraws suddenly-- his next line of words are spoke in hush whispers and through a gritted jaw, 'I fucking know what you do with  _him.'_

_He knows. Don't avoid it, [F/N]. It will only make him hurt more._

'H-how...' he begins panting. It's clear that anger has now raked his body in fiery, raging tremors-- he slowly looks up to you with his ebony bangs hanging over his once slithery ice-blue eyes, 'H-how many times?'

'Wha-what?' you gasp. He could ask you anything he wanted, but not something so personal like that. 

'I said: how many times did he make lo-- how many  _fucking_ times did he  _fuck_  you?'

_Why would he even want to know?_

'L-Levi, why would I even-- ' 

He takes several steps forward and yanks you by your collars-- almost the same way as Erwin did-- but this time is rougher and angrier. You could feel the hate in his eyes as he stares them into yours, boring holes that burn into your head and leaving your upper body paralysed. 

'ANSWER ME, [F/N],' he growls. His voice is gruff, deep and hoarse. 

_Just answer him. It won't kill him... R-right?_

'F-four,' you mumble out. When you feel Levi's grip loosened, you look away and sheepishly repeat yourself, 'We did it four times last night... Twice before...' 

_Why did I even say about the night before? That should-- no, I've implied that earlier on. He knows we had sex before and he must've checked upon us last night... that's probably when--_

You slowly look up from his boots up to his clenching rock fists that hung at his waist, then towards the angry way his eyes pry onto yours. But there is something else there-- disappointment, regret, guilt, lust, desire and... a carnal need to satisfy himself-- it was almost like looking at the mirror. You'd probably looked that way if you hadn't hand yourself over to Erwin and leave your desires doused. 

_He doesn't want me. He hates me. He thinks we're too similar-- I like to clean up too. I like to talk back to my superiors, I like to cuss and curse around, I like to throw insults like the unlady-like person that I am! So... why is he--_

You let out a soft whimper at the sight of his body trembling a little. You know words will follow, but you feel as if they won't ever console his brokenhearted expression. 

'I can't stand it anymore,' he begins-- eyes finally avoiding to look into yours-- and he lets out a shaky sigh before pressing his temple. He shakes his head suddenly, 'Because I can't hold it back.'

_Can't hold what back?_

Your eyebrows meet tightly in a knot as you waited. 

'I want you. I want you to be mine...' 

_What? He WANTS me?_

You merely watch as he walks back up to you. 

Lust and passion consume his once despairing, guilty and remorseful cobalt eyes as he looks down to you-- yes, he was slightly taller than you, but you both love your height more than anything else (and you both understand this about each other-- it's why you both clicked so well). His looming figure has somehow doubled-- he initially grips you hard on the shoulder and when you yelp, his grip loosens. But his fingers remain where they are as he slowly leans into your face. 

His breath is hot against your skin-- it set your skin alight with a strange notions, confusing senses and lapses of conscience. You feel his lips brushing against yours and hear his breath hitched in his throat.

'I'll rid him off of you no matter what!' he snarls before lunging hungrily for the said flesh and licking his tongue on it.


	5. Part Five

**Carnal Disorder**

**A/N: This part contains highly detailed angry smut between Levi and Reader. Do not read if you're not prepared for that. If you are, then you're welcome to read on.**   
**\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

You widen your [E/C] eyes, feeling as if your air is sucked out of your mouth as Levi connects his wet, warm muscle with yours. You had parted your lips in an attempt to scream, but his fervent need to mesh his tongue against yours is muffling your efforts-- no one can hear you now and you'll only sound the alarm for Erwin too. Speaking of which, the kiss leaves you as breathless as his, but the taste-- God-- was that of minty and cool tea, working like frost against your startled pores and buds, freezing your common senses and conscience to this current moment.  

_"I want you to be mine."_

You close your eyes to hear his words repeat itself in your head and finally, you give in. Your hands, once trying to fight Levi's off, now fall limp and holding up against his own heaving, hard chest. Little did you know, Levi whips his eyelids open at the sight of your pleasured face. He goes in more smoothly into your mouth, and before you know it, he wraps his lips around your tongue, sucking it tightly against his teeth.

'Mmh,' you moan, opening up your confused eyes. 

He suddenly begins to feel you up with his wandering hands-- they are still somewhat shaky and wavering over you as if hesitant. He was not a man of words and you know by the way he moves that he is still sincere despite his crude actions or words earlier on. He breathes in through the kiss, humming in his throat, and that allows his tongue to quiver against yours and you suddenly open your mouth bigger. 

'Y-yes,' he purrs as he pulls away-- his wet lips now filled with your saliva and yours with his. He takes up in one sharp inhale of air, 'J-just surrender to me... D-Damn it!' 

As he takes up your tongue again, you manage to push him away. Though you want to continue (maddeningly so), you still needed something out of this-- you need to know that Levi is on the same page, if he does in fact harbour feelings for you.

You shake your head against his, noses touching and forehead grazing, 'B-but, L-Levi! I-I thought you hated me!'

'What? What the fuck drives you to think that?' he hisses, giving you some distance. You could tell that he is confused now-- his eyebrows knit in furious question.

_Because after Isabel and Farlan died, you were promoted Captain and was asked to look for a new members for a new squad-- the Special Operations Squad. There's that one girl you chose and--_

'B-Because,' you think of how to tell him because his eyes are angry and cold as they watch you like a hawk, 'W-Why me? Wha-what about P-Petra? She's prettier than me! She's more womanly than me! I-I-- ' 

_"But she's not you."_

You look up to his eyes-- wondering if you hallucinated his voice into your mind. They are staring at you gently as if he was finally afraid that his glare might break you or worst, wind you up with doubt. You had never seen them that way before-- it makes you want to cry, begging for his forgiveness to think that he was never capable of such things and kiss your way to make up to him. 

'Don't give me that shit,' he speaks softly as he looks down. A dust of pink decorates his cheeks as he looks back up to you, 'Not when I'm pouring my heart out on you.' 

He takes one unsure step forward, his hands clutching tenderly against your wrists while his narrow blue eyes never leaving your person. You know what he was asking you at that point and you could only comply for some reason. Was it because you weren't satisfied by Erwin? Or--

_Am I just curious?_

You are lost in the gaze of Levi's eyes as he captures your lips sweetly this time. You were meant to kiss him, you think, as you run your fingers from his chest, his neck and then to his hair-- playing with his short raven strands. He gives out a soft moan, encouraging you to touch more of him, and he begins to lick your lips. You waited no longer than a thought to separate them-- slipping his tongue to taste against yours once more. The kiss slowly becomes sloppy by the minute as his saliva interlaced with yours, slipping off the sides of your mouths. 

He pulls away to wipe his wet lips with the sleeve of his jacket, 'H-ha... Th-that feels so good...'

You say nothing. You watch as he takes off his jacket, throws it expertly on the back of his study chair, pulls his cravat in a single  _magical_ tug on one end and it lets itself loose from his neck-- he throws that away too. He notices your eyes observing him and couldn't help but let out a small smirk. His deft fingers began to unbutton his shirt and you feel thrilled suddenly that he was stripping for you. 

_I usually take Erwin's clothes off..._

'I'm sorry,' you hear Levi mumble-- it was a surprise to you because the man never once apologised for anything, 'I should've undressed you first.'

_I can't believe he worries more about that..._

'I-It's okay,' you feel hot on your cheeks. Upon odd reflexes, you began to undress yourself: first you remove your jacket, slipping it off to the floor, then Erwin's shirt-- God, you're wearing  _his_  shirt. 

_Fuck. I feel like crying. What am I doing here? Do I want this?_

'Hey,' you whip your head up while your trembling, nervous fingers have trouble unbuttoning your shirt. Levi comes forward to help you-- though his eyes still slightly cold, his actions that follow are warm and surprisingly romantic for his taste. He helps you out with each stud-- eyes narrowed slightly as he takes up the picture of your body before him, for his own keepsake in the back of his mind. But as you feel his gaze on you, a hurtful expression flashed itself across his face as he undoes those annoying buttons, 'You're wearing...  _his_ shirt.'

_Ah. Fuck._

You couldn't stop your hands from shaking as you reach up to hold his. You didn't want to hurt him but he's pretty direct at his approach and it was hard to miss. 'M-Mine had an accident,' you nod to congratulate yourself over the lie-- it was a vague, white lie that could work, you think. 

'What happened?'

You don't answer. You feel your breasts brush against the hem of your shirt as Levi undoes the last three buttons-- the cool, summer air in Levi's room mimics his eyes on them. It was hungry for you and you know it. 

'Did he tear them open?'

You grab him by the wrists now-- the hem is parted and reveals half of your breasts. The moonlight that pierced through the windows behind you gives them a heavenly glow-- one that Levi couldn't help but stare at. Yet you both stop thinking or doing anything. 

'Why are you doing this?' you ask simply, hands still keeping him in your grasp. 

'Because I can't stand the thought of you being with him,' he answers curtly-- voice laced with anger and jealousy, a deadly mix of emotion you never thought you'd sense from him. It makes him more human usual as he continues, 'I know I'm not the best when it comes to this sort of thing, but I  _am_  trying... He probably does it better, but I still want you.' 

'It doesn't have to be me...' 

'There's no one else,' he insists, pushing your hands aside and take your lips into his again. As he breaks it apart for a second to pant, he adds on, 'There can never be anyone else than you or that can replace you...'

You remember how you lost the innocence of your virginity when you probed your tongue into Erwin's mouth and suddenly, as Levi is kissing you gently, you feel like it was the first time again. You extend your arms high and above you, running through his neat hair and then his soft scalp, before you start gaping your mouth like a waterless fish. His hot tongue is slick against yours, his taste bud infecting you with a strange need. 

As you both are breathing though your mouths as you kiss, you daringly try out the way he sucked your tongue. Just as Levi pulls away a bit, you open your lips wider and make way for his hanging tongue-- he jolts at the way you jump on him, but allows you to suck on his taste buds, taking in his heat and moist.

'Is that a yes?' He asks suddenly, slowly dragging your shirt off your body. His eyes are no longer  _just_  hungry-- he is starved off of you. 'Will you let me take you, [F-F/N]?'

You nod sheepishly as his cold hands travel down to your breasts, touch it slightly and reluctant to pursue the want of cupping them whole in his palm.

'If you still want me despite-- ' you don't finish your sentence as you know he knows what you mean, 'Then yes. Take all of me, Levi,' you hear yourself say.

What you saw next overwhelms any surprise you've ever come across or will come across in the distant future. 

Levi stands before you-- blushing mad like a child-- as he nods his head with a smile. A smile.

_Am I fucking dreaming?_

'Th-thank you,' he whispers as he reaches for your body and pulls you into an awkward embrace, 'I'll do my fucking best to please you... and as I've said before-- '

You widen your set of [E/C] eyes as he suddenly sucks on your lower lip. When you realise what he wanted, you stick out tongue and let him suck it whole inside his wet mouth. The combination of his and your saliva now dripping down your chin as you gasp for air.

'I'll rid him off your body,' he whispers quietly against your lips-- his blue eyes staring into yours in a strange, sweet and loving way that was unlike him.

Only your top is bare as you both continue kissing, but Levi then quickly unzips your white, cotton pants and lets out a startling gasp as it falls on the floor. 

'Wh-What is it?' You burst in a frantic nervousness, covering your private parts (and your breasts too) in dismay.

Levi chuckles as he makes his way to removing your hands and reveals your completely naked body before him. He smiles again. 

_Oh my God. Again._

You begin to stutter without you knowing, eyes averting from his, 'Wh-what's wrong?'

'You're fucking stunning,' he whispers. 

'L-Levi,' you blush harder, 'S-Stop. Y-you're making m-me blush...' 

He steps forward to take your hands and places them on his chest-- you know what he means. You pull his shirt off of him and play your warm fingers on his chiseled chest-- he has the body of a Greek statue and though it was much smaller than Erwin's, its hardness and flexibility is still the same, if not more so. He sighs contently as you touch him, his eyebrows no longer creasing like they always were and you watch as he slips out his tongue. Again, you know what he means.

You step forward with an open mouth and suck his tongue with yours-- this time, however, you scrape it around with your teeth and elicit a moan out of Levi. He suddenly pushes you backwards and next thing you know, you land on the soft, spring mattress of his bed-- but the kiss doesn't end. It continues as Levi leaves you gaping for oxygen, his lips and tongue moving southwards towards your neck, sucking and nibbling at your skin. 

'A-Ah, L-Levi,' you moan out as you clench your hands on his shoulders. 

'Mhm?' he hums, tickling your breasts as he kisses them, 'You like that?'

'Y-yeah,' you answer, pushing him towards you so he'll continue his ministrations. His touch is like  _wildfire_ , burning you anew every single time. 

He goes on licking your skin his warm tongue-- from your neck down to your breasts-- and flicks his tongue at the sensitive buds. You let out a sharper, starling moan as he does so. Levi lets out a smirk you can't see as he leans in, sucking gently and slowly against your hard nipples. You let run your fingers through his hair more desperately to show him your urgent need. If your body was made of glass, the vapour of his breaths will fog your body into oblivion and everyone would know you were his-- even Erwin. But he goes on to suck and lick you everywhere-- even your arms, your hands and your fingers, your navel, your bikini line, then your nether parts. 

'Wh-what?' you gasp suddenly, holding his head up as you feel him breath warmly against you wet folds. 

'I told you, didn't I?' he murmurs-- his breath fanning you there only makes it worst-- and he sticks out tongue teasingly at you as he stares straight into your eyes, 'I'll rid him off of you...' 

Before you know it, he laps his tongue at your clitoris without end nor without any hints of slowing down-- till he leaves it swolllen, throbbing and red for his amusing sight. You begin writhing with your body, his actions trailing shivers from the end of your hairs down to the tip of your toes-- you feel every single wet and warm moves he makes. Without any control of your own body, you end up playing with your feet up into his head and your hands dig in to his hair as you push him forward-- forcing him to shove his tongue into you.

'A-Ahn... L-Levi... it feels s-so good,' you moan, tugging his ebony strands softly.

He hums, vibrating his tongue in response, and you immediately quiver. He knows you can't handle the way he licks in between your folds, then sneaks his tongue into your stretched up walls and licks every corner he could reach. You don't even know when or how your own wetness interlace with his saliva-- but it doesn't matter now. You know you'll cave in soon.

'L-Levi!' You cry out-- your toes on his head is pinching into his scalp, your hands tugging harsher on his hair as you arch your back and thrash side to side. 'I-I'm coming!'

He does nothing to rebut-- in fact, you feel his lips opening against yours, spreading you cunt open as he sucks upon you.

'G-gah! N-no! Ahn!'

You came.

Of course, you did. You sort of have to with the way he sucks and licks at you.

As you were busy feeling his tongue with your gyrating walls, you notice his cold blue eyes watching. Yes, watching.

_Fuck. Don't stare at me like that..._

You could hear him slurping his way out of you and feel the dripping of his saliva entangled with your sweet cum down your now sweaty inner thighs. You watch as he licks his lips, eyes remain still on your shivering person, and you suddenly feel...

_Fuck. Did I just come in his mouth? Did he just taste me? Isn't that disgusting? Why doesn't he--_

'Fuck,' Levi leaps over to you now with his body hovering as he crawls up on all fours. 'Is this what he gets to do with you every night?'

You couldn't withdraw a chuckle from your mouth as you watch him blush angrily, 'W-Well, not every night... It only started like... two nights ago...'

'Still, you're fucking delicious.'

'And you're disgusting.'

He is taken aback by your comment. But he smirks, 'I'd like it to be disgusting if l get to spend my whole life with you.'

'Fuck!' You exclaim as you look away, 'Don't say shits like that!'

But you can't avoid him when he plunges his tongue into your lips and you could taste a hint of saltness in it which you thought was your cum. As you were busy kissing sloppily, Levi unzips his pants and you assist him by taking it off with your feet-- pushing it down his body and he crawls out of it. Your attempt is successful-- Levi is fully naked now and his twitching member below widen your eyes.

_Fuck. He's bigger than Erwin!_

'What?' Levi suddenly asks, noticing you keeping a wide-eyed gaze on his penis. A thought comes across his mind as he smirks once more, leaning in to whisper into your ear, 'Am I bigger than him?'

You manage a sheepish nod.

You hear him chuckle in his deep throat, licking your earlobe as he murmurs, 'Well then, time to show you what you've been missing... these past two nights...'

'L-Levi,' you let out a meek whimper as he pulls away from you.

You keep your [E/C] eyes on his azure ones-- they seem so different than usual then: full of patience, tolerance, forgiveness, romance, life and love that it was so, so unlike him. It is like he was no longer the same Levi you knew or rather, a Levi he has kept hidden for so long. You feel your eyes narrow, your lips spread into a smile as you welcome this new, loving sight before you. You reach out for his beautiful pale skinned face, running your fingertips along his sticky cheeks and feeling the infectious warmth radiating from them-- it must be after all those works on your skin that he has generated some heat.

_And we're about to do more heated stuffs..._

Your thought sends your heart beating through all your skin, your flesh, fibres of your muscles, your limbs and organs-- you swear he could feel it in the air, vibrating its warm atoms. He sighs suddenly, his breath blowing against your face as he trembles slightly to your light touches. He reaches out for your hands, planting his palm against yours and intertwining his large, long fingers into yours-- caged with his, your hands had never before felt so safe and tender. Levi leads both your hands on the sheets to the sides of your face. He raises up his body a little before you feel his knees brushing under your calves, pushing it upwards slightly-- you know the purpose of this. You anticipate it.

'Ready?' He speaks, barely just a whisper as he leans into your ear again-- his head is against yours, his hair meshed against yours-- and you nod in return.

You don't know that your nervousness have led you to clench your fingers tightly against his-- but Levi notices.

He sends a quick, chaste kiss on your head before pulling away to see your eyebrows creased, your [E/C] eyes pressed close suddenly-- but you whip them open as you feel his breath. He inhales a hitched breath, his groin pushing up against yours as his knees hooking your calves higher and higher-- spreading your opening bigger, and you feel his shaft poking into your wet core before his whole length forces its way through and through. You gasp--

_This is so different than Erwin!_

Levi squeezes his hand against yours, his forehead bumps into yours kindly as you look back into his gentle eyes. You could feel the emotion in them as he stares, his love for you is easily emitted out of their once cold and icy shell. You lean forward in a daring mouth, kissing him gently on his lips with your eyes open still. He returns it, of course-- lips soft and tender in a synchronised movement against yours. You feel his fingers loosen against your own as he pulls his length out of you to its last point before he suddenly shoves it back into you-- his fingers correspond to his movement before, letting you know of his intentions. You moan, mewl and purr at every single nudges he makes.

'A-Ah-hn... L-Levi,' you moan out as your wrap your fingers tighter, 'F-Fuck me...'

Levi chuckles lightly.

'We're going to keep at this slow pace until you admit it,' he whispers. 

_Admit what?_

And true enough, he answers for you. 

'Admit that I'm the better than him.'


End file.
